Post by F.A.Y.Z Maker on Jan 24, 2012 20:53:23 GMT 1
Taken from www.harperteen.com/feature/gone/
1. No adults means no doctors: so it’s still not okay to run with scissors.
2. The pedal on the right is for gas, the one on the left is the brake.
3. The seat belt is for when you forget #2.
4. You can finally wear whatever you want. Of course you can also do your own laundry.
5. When attempting to remove your own braces, needle-nose pliers work better than a hammer and chisel.
6. You can’t Twitter when there’s no internet.
7. Yes, you can skateboard there. There, too. In fact, anywhere.
8. Remember that time your mom tried to teach you how to cook? You’re going to wish you had paid attention.
9. The old cliques are gone. The new cliques are ‘survivors’ and ‘not.’
10. 15 is the new 50.
11. Babysitting is even less fun when you’re not getting paid.
12. When you wake up screaming from a nightmare, there’ll be no one to tuck you back in. So try not to wake up screaming.
13. You can eat whatever you want. Until the food runs out. Then the cat’s going to start looking tasty.
14. Remember what you learned in sex ed class about prevention. That’s not a question, that’s a strong suggestion.
15. No new music. No new TV. No new movies. It’s finally time to learn to knit.
16. When your little brother is driving a car, you’re really going to want to look both ways before crossing the street.
17. Remember how your parents were always nagging you? You’re going to think of that as the ‘good old days.’
18. No phones means no texting. You will have to MIRL (Meet in Real Life).
19. You know the last time you went to McDonald’s? That really was the last time.
20. Bullies are bad. Bullies when there are no adults around are worse. And bullies with their parents’ guns are the absolute worst.
21. When you run out of candy and chips, try switching to beets and okra.
22. Carnivorous worms should not be kept as pets.
23. Why pine for goldfish crackers when you can eat a real goldfish?
24. You know how it seems like there’s a fast food restaurant on every corner? You don’t have that problem in the FAYZ.
25. When you run out of beets and okra try switching to Crisco and grass clippings.
26. It’s just coincidence if a kid named Harry, who wears glasses, gets his brain fried by a mutant.
27. It’s fun to play pirate. Start by getting scurvy.
28. With mutant powers comes mutant responsibility.
29. Sure a nine year-old can drink a single-malt Scotch, but can he really appreciate it?
30. Nuclear power is perfectly safe. Really. Perfectly safe.
31. Perfectly safe. Unless some kid starts yanking fuel rods out then, no.
32. Remember your mom’s horrible meatloaf? No mom, no meat, no meatloaf: problem solved.
33. Hey, in some cultures it’s perfectly okay to eat dog.
34. Hey, in some cultures it’s perfectly okay to wonder how your brother would taste grilled a nice medium rare.
35. When you run out of Crisco and grass clippings, try candle wax and cockroaches.
36. Starvation makes an apple bottom into a prune butt.
37. Surely a bunch of smart 14-year-olds can cope with a little thing like pure evil.
38. As Freud said, sometimes a whip hand is just a whip hand.
39. When you run out of candle wax and cockroaches . . . here Fluffy. Come on, good kitty.
40. Rat: It’s not just for breakfast any more.
41. It’s true that telling the difference between lies and truth can be a matter of life or death.
42. It is true that if you don’t work in the FAYZ you don’t eat. And sometimes not even then.
43. It’s not true that just because you’re a rock star and you’ve got your ‘rock moves’ that you don’t need anyone else tonight.
44. It is true that a prophet is not without honor, save in her own country. Especially if she’s lying.
45. Or taking orders from some evil thing that lives in a mine shaft.
46. It’s true that San Francisco de Sales is the patron saint of writers. It’s not true that he invented the map-based Easter egg.
47. It’s true that no one wants you to think of Brangelina at any time during LIES.
48. It’s true that the above statement is false. On the other hand it’s false that the above statement is true.
49. It’s true that it is really hard to breathe when you’re buried six feet down in the town plaza.
50. Or buried six feet down pretty much anywhere.
51. Floss daily. It doesn't really help with plague, but it keeps your gums healthy.
52. You know how there are all these perfectly harmless bacteria living inside your body? Those are not what we're talking about in PLAGUE.
53. After the first hundred times you cough it's okay to stop saying "excuse me."
54. Purell in the 55-gallon-drum economy size.
55. They say it's good luck to be pooped on by a seagull. They don't say that about the flying snakes.
1. No adults means no doctors: so it’s still not okay to run with scissors.
2. The pedal on the right is for gas, the one on the left is the brake.
3. The seat belt is for when you forget #2.
4. You can finally wear whatever you want. Of course you can also do your own laundry.
5. When attempting to remove your own braces, needle-nose pliers work better than a hammer and chisel.
6. You can’t Twitter when there’s no internet.
7. Yes, you can skateboard there. There, too. In fact, anywhere.
8. Remember that time your mom tried to teach you how to cook? You’re going to wish you had paid attention.
9. The old cliques are gone. The new cliques are ‘survivors’ and ‘not.’
10. 15 is the new 50.
11. Babysitting is even less fun when you’re not getting paid.
12. When you wake up screaming from a nightmare, there’ll be no one to tuck you back in. So try not to wake up screaming.
13. You can eat whatever you want. Until the food runs out. Then the cat’s going to start looking tasty.
14. Remember what you learned in sex ed class about prevention. That’s not a question, that’s a strong suggestion.
15. No new music. No new TV. No new movies. It’s finally time to learn to knit.
16. When your little brother is driving a car, you’re really going to want to look both ways before crossing the street.
17. Remember how your parents were always nagging you? You’re going to think of that as the ‘good old days.’
18. No phones means no texting. You will have to MIRL (Meet in Real Life).
19. You know the last time you went to McDonald’s? That really was the last time.
20. Bullies are bad. Bullies when there are no adults around are worse. And bullies with their parents’ guns are the absolute worst.
21. When you run out of candy and chips, try switching to beets and okra.
22. Carnivorous worms should not be kept as pets.
23. Why pine for goldfish crackers when you can eat a real goldfish?
24. You know how it seems like there’s a fast food restaurant on every corner? You don’t have that problem in the FAYZ.
25. When you run out of beets and okra try switching to Crisco and grass clippings.
26. It’s just coincidence if a kid named Harry, who wears glasses, gets his brain fried by a mutant.
27. It’s fun to play pirate. Start by getting scurvy.
28. With mutant powers comes mutant responsibility.
29. Sure a nine year-old can drink a single-malt Scotch, but can he really appreciate it?
30. Nuclear power is perfectly safe. Really. Perfectly safe.
31. Perfectly safe. Unless some kid starts yanking fuel rods out then, no.
32. Remember your mom’s horrible meatloaf? No mom, no meat, no meatloaf: problem solved.
33. Hey, in some cultures it’s perfectly okay to eat dog.
34. Hey, in some cultures it’s perfectly okay to wonder how your brother would taste grilled a nice medium rare.
35. When you run out of Crisco and grass clippings, try candle wax and cockroaches.
36. Starvation makes an apple bottom into a prune butt.
37. Surely a bunch of smart 14-year-olds can cope with a little thing like pure evil.
38. As Freud said, sometimes a whip hand is just a whip hand.
39. When you run out of candle wax and cockroaches . . . here Fluffy. Come on, good kitty.
40. Rat: It’s not just for breakfast any more.
41. It’s true that telling the difference between lies and truth can be a matter of life or death.
42. It is true that if you don’t work in the FAYZ you don’t eat. And sometimes not even then.
43. It’s not true that just because you’re a rock star and you’ve got your ‘rock moves’ that you don’t need anyone else tonight.
44. It is true that a prophet is not without honor, save in her own country. Especially if she’s lying.
45. Or taking orders from some evil thing that lives in a mine shaft.
46. It’s true that San Francisco de Sales is the patron saint of writers. It’s not true that he invented the map-based Easter egg.
47. It’s true that no one wants you to think of Brangelina at any time during LIES.
48. It’s true that the above statement is false. On the other hand it’s false that the above statement is true.
49. It’s true that it is really hard to breathe when you’re buried six feet down in the town plaza.
50. Or buried six feet down pretty much anywhere.
51. Floss daily. It doesn't really help with plague, but it keeps your gums healthy.
52. You know how there are all these perfectly harmless bacteria living inside your body? Those are not what we're talking about in PLAGUE.
53. After the first hundred times you cough it's okay to stop saying "excuse me."
54. Purell in the 55-gallon-drum economy size.
55. They say it's good luck to be pooped on by a seagull. They don't say that about the flying snakes.
))
You'd better remember these tips here. >
))
